Letting Him Go


I was very puzzled when I heard that before you could get married in my Church, you had to go through the Marriage Committee, who would screen you and your intended on your readiness and suitability to get married, both financially, spiritually and emotionally.

Please don't ask me what exactly that means as I have never been married before oh, but I have heard hints here and there from some friends and church members.
Part of it involves ensuring there is suitable accommodation for the couple after the marriage, and that they had both prayed to God and gotten confirmation that they were right for each other.

And no! The screening itself wasn't the reason for my puzzlement (that isn't good English) lol, I was puzzled because I heard that you would both be screened about your past, specifically your exes, to be sure that all ties were completely broken off, I heard that they would even call, the supposed ex(es) to confirm ( I don't know if that's true though) or why they won't just take the Couples word for it that all ties were simply broken off.

Ok, let me not lie, I was also angry on behalf of all team-don't-cut-off-your-ex people like me. Lol.

I mean, I thought to myself, what did they (the Marriage Commitee) know anyway about True love and ties that bind?
What did they know about love that (seemingly) could not die and the pain that I felt when I  contemplated never talking to my ex again?

What about the memories that and the regrets I sometimes still felt that I wasn't brave enough to fight for the relationship and damned the consequences then?
Who were they anyway to demand or insist on total cutting of all ties anyway? Oldies like themselves? What did they know about young love? 
Besides, what harm could an ex do to my marriage. After all, I wasn't sleeping with him, and we had broken up seven years ago. And he was married sef! Hehehe. 

Don't mind my logic oh. Let's continue the gist.

The truth is that of course, they are right to insist that intending couples completely break off, physically and emotionally from their exes. As members of the Marriage Commitee, they not only counseled couples who were about to tie the knot, they also counseled those who were already married and must have seen the damage that lingering love and feelings not completely dealt with
before marrying somebody else could cause to a union, hence their insistence. 
You not only have to cut off digital ties, you have to cut off spiritual ties.

As the Former Chairwoman of the I-love(d)-my-ex-group, it is understandable why I championed our cause. Lol. 
I mean I had had a perfect ex and what seemed like a perfect relationship even though of course it wasn't. Almost was but not quite.
To make matters worse, we didn't break up of our own volition seven years ago, so there was so much room for lingering feelings and "if onlys". 
We weren't dating, and didn't even live in the same state so we saw rarely, but subsequentrelationships on my part or his marriage did nothing to stop the residual feelings.
So deep was the love he had for me and I for him that it never occurred to me to question the sense in holding on to the past and to a love that could never be.

In my mind, I knew that major soul ties had been formed but I wasn't really interested in breaking them off. 
He was and is the nicest guy I have ever met and one of the most intelligent and unselfish guys I know. And the disappointment of subsequent relationships also didn't allow me let go of past memories. The men I dated after him weren't comparable to him in any respect.
Sure, some were more handsome, but when it came to what really counted, they fell short.
In fact I had sort of made peace with the fact that no other man could love me as completely like he did. But of course, I was just tripping. I am certain that the man coming my way will love me even more.  
Of course, I didn't know that then oh, which is the point of this post. 

On his part, I know he also held on to the idea of our relationship as a perfect one and of our love as  one that could never die. 
I remember the first Valentine's Day after he got married, he drove hours down to where I lived in another state just to ask if I could still marry him if he divorced his wife. 
Lol. Imagine! I had to gently turn him down and remind him that the reason that broke us up was still alive. So no way.

But I still didn't see that there was a problem until..............

To be continued.

Sorry! I am trying to avoid too long posts.

UPDATE---- read part 2 Here and Part 3 Here.
Too late about not writing a long post. Sorry.



9 comments:

  1. Awwgghh! This was a very Mushy Mushy post oH! As it had me wanting to get into a serious relationship.. Butt nahhh! Money has to be made first. **Wears Igbo Smile.

    You know yeah... I dont quite agree with the ways of the marriage commitee sited above oh! I mean my Past is MINE.. my love life is MINE.. hence I do not think (whether i had sex or not with them) my past will be a reason for me to have a faulty marriage. Bubba.. I dont mean to sound Wrong eh.. But think about it nah.. My Past made me a better lover.. a more matured 24 years 70 Days old child and a more devoted human.. I feel it would be wrong for them to pry.

    Oh Well.. Lemme just sip coffee and lime while I wait for part 2!

    P.S: I am here from the Amazing Sykik's page.. I mean.. The openness in your comments are ghen ghen like that.. annnnddd they got me bad bad! You sure sound fun.. **Wears Cheeky smile :) Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Welcome Duru! Thanks for coming by.
      I am bummed that I only just discovered sykiks blog. Better late than ever I guess.
      Lol@ mushy post.
      Abi! i don't agree totally with them too.
      However, I do agree that it' is unfair to your spouse when enresolved and lingering feelings from a past relationship infringe on a new one.
      The test ( I think) is for the individuals to determine and to do the necessary depending on what the exact situation is. I have one or two ex boyfriends who do not the fit the criteria the marriage Commitee should be concerned about, as I don't have their mumu button, neither do they have mine. So no lingering love anywhere. No danger in any form.Keeping in touch in that circumstance isn't a big deal because your heart isn't still with that person.
      You get?
      The post isn't about the past, because the past is your business. Until it interferes with the present/ future. Then it becomes someone else's business.
      Anyway, part two will be up soon.

      Delete
    2. Oh S2C... (Can I call you that?! Pretty Please?!) You have no idea how much it excites me when bloggers take their time to respond to comments... it leaves me smiling like Titus Fish... Thank You for this ghen ghen feeling.

      This line hit me the most Bubba.. You kuku know nah.. the line where you came and said..

      "The post isn't about the past, because the past is your business. Until it interferes with the present/ future"

      And in response I go.. Osheeeyy , uP.. I think if there I anyone I owe an explanation for my Past shenanigans... It's my future woman.. and not the church.. But oh! Well.. what can I say?! "Give to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser"

      Thank you for replying... I am loving you more with every of your words Bubba... Blessings!!!

      **sent from 2nd Rainbow ;)

      Delete
  2. I think a marriage committee shouldn't go that far. Some things should stay between you and God. It's unhealthy when other human beings poke into certain issues. You have a nice blog, dear.

    ReplyDelete
  3. i guess they have what they think are good reasons for their poke nosing.
    The thin line between honestly helping couples and poke nosing is where it gets blurry.
    I also wonder how confidential whatever you share with them is and if they wouldn't go spreading rumors about whatever they hear during the counseling session. They are still humans after all. Maybe there's a gag order or some reassurance.
    Thanks for coming by Precious. And for the compliment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Let me leave my comment till I read part 2

    Thanks for coming to my "yard"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol.
      Let me too thank you for coming to mine then.

      Delete

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Letting Him Go

I was very puzzled when I heard that before you could get married in my Church, you had to go through the Marriage Committee, who would...

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