Letting Him Go (Conclusion)

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Whew! Finally i get to conclude this.
So you will never believe who i dreamt about last night? Him! The dream was one kain. Didn't make sense sef. The devil is a liar jare.
If you are wondering who 'Him' is, Read part one  Here and part two Here
Now to the koko (nitty gritty) of the steps I took to letting him go.

PUTTING GOD FIRST
I had to choose to put God first and obey his commandments.
The first red flag was the sex issue. Not only did I want to avoid being tempted to have penetrative sex,
I also wanted to avoid the urge to engage in anything that was sexual in any form. In fact I can say the realization that what defiles a body isn't just penetrative sex was the major eye opener that made me start the process of putting space between us.
 I began to realize that mere being in close quarters with him wasn't good for either of us, particularly for my spirituality. I felt the Holy Spirit draw back at times after we saw each other.   I realized that I was playing with fire, by risking physical contact with someone I used to date and still had feelings for, and who still loved me. so I decided to be honest with myself and started by reducing physical contact.

SPACE
For the first time in never, I didn't call him when I was in his town. I arranged my accommodation, transport, shopping, food etc all by myself. It was bittersweet because most of the places I went to alone where places he introduced me to or that we used to frequent right from University days.
I didn't fool myself so I didn't call him at all. One phone call, and next thing somebody will be fighting temptation.

REALITY CHECK

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I had to give myself a reality check. whether I liked it or not, he was no longer mine.

What we had, as great as it was was in the past.
I had to let go and move on and I had to help him move on too.

PRAYER
I also prayed. I mean I was honest with God and with myself. I knew that there was a problem .
We broke up SEVEN years ago but we were still hung up on each other. He wasn't the only ex I had, but I found it hard to get over him. This weren't feelings that I could wish away.

I Told God I needed his help to stop loving this guy I couldn't stop loving. I prayed soul ties breaking prayers and cried some more to him.  Asked him a lot of questions which was basically Why? Why? Why? Why did we have to break up in the first place.
To be honest that is a question I have been asking God ever since we broke up seven years ago. Because it just seemed unnecessarily cruel to me then , to cause me so much pain.
I now know better of course.

CLOSURE
I got closure. Lol. Which is why I could write this post now. It was always hard for me to put in writing what I felt for him, and when I did it was usually tinged with regret and a little anger.
I could not fathom why I went through so much needless pain. I mean why have the most loving relationship which everyone envied only for it to crash in pieces just when it was serious.
I was devastated to say the least. But the whys and whats is not a story for now.

One day,during my leave last year,  I read a Post on www.inthemidstofher.com and I realized that I had to get to a level where I could reject him even if what broke us up magically disappeared and the coast was clear.
I had to be able to say No to him not because He was NOT God's plan for me.
I broke down and wept, and the Holy Spirit finally told me why he didn't allow us marry. And of course it was for my own good.
And just like that, I stopped being in love with him. Don't get me wrong. I will always love him, but once I realized the spiritual WHY we didn't marry, it was like all the ropes binding us cut. I let go emotionally and I know he has sensed a difference in me recently.
We will always be friends and we still talk sparingly now, but now, there is a bigger room in my heart for whoever I marry.

So yep! That's the story of how I let him go. It's not being easy of course, and i miss him sometimes but i am certain that the grace of God will see me through.
This could be anybody or any situation, but the most important step is to admit that something is wrong, and then ask for help.

2 comments:

  1. Wow I read the trilogy. Amazing stuff, you need to send me your number

    ReplyDelete

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