Amazing Grace : My Story

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
                            -John Newton

The words of this popular, heart lifting, soul stirring song "Amazing Grace" above did not make much meaning to me before I became Born Again.
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Sure, I knew it was a popular song, which a lot of Christians seemed to love, and very popular in Church Choirs but did I have any experience in that particular context of "that saved a wretch like me"?
The answer is a big fat No.
However, at this present moment, if I was asked to sum up my life in a few words, or if a movie were to be made about my life, Amazing Grace will do just well. Thank you.


Just in case you are wondering why, let me explain further.
What else but Amazing Grace from God the Father will enable me, an erstwhile die hard sinner, physically alive but spiritually dead then, to be called into Ministry work, to preach the gospel and to teach the word of God?

I used to be a prodigal child. I went so far from God and took so many risks that it's a wonder that I am still alive.
Right from childhood it seemed nobody could understand me. My mum and I had a tumultuous relationship, and while I love her to death now, this wasn't always the case. It took the Holy Spirit to intervene before we could have a normal relationship.
This translated into a lot of vices and behavioral patterns that could only have led one into hell. I was a lonely Child, and even though I had good grades, I struggled with my self esteem and self worth.

As I got older, sex became a sort of outlet. This led me to using sex as a sort of crutch to feel good about myself and feel beautiful, wanted, connected to someone albeit for a few minutes.
I had as many lovers as I could handle, but I still didn't feel anything.

This didn't help so I turned to masturbation, which only made things worse as I had to deal with the shame and guilt which masturbation brought in its wake.
I sought escape in books. It became an avenue to escape from the world around me.
The only reason I didn't seek escape in drugs and alcohol was because drugs were hardly available among my then peers, and I dislike the taste of alcohol.Still do by the way. Lol.

I was very hard heartedand had a mouth like sharp glass. Blunt and extremely cutting. It was as if I had a mission to hurt the people who loved me the most and any other person who fell casualty.

I struggled for so long by myself that when Jesus came calling it seemed like a mirage, like an illusion.

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After all, how would all my sins suddenly get washed away?

What about the mistakes of the past and the consequences, what about those I had hurt, the numerous sexual partners,the consequences of unprotected sex and shed blood?
Wasn't I going to be held accountable?

 What about condemnation and that dirty feeling which made you feel that you couldn't ever be totally clean, that my sins were so bad so grievous that Nothing could wash it away?
All this random thoughts further contributed to my unease at this seemingly too easy washing of all my sins away.

To further complicate matters, I couldn't forgive myself. And if I couldn't, how could God then forgive me, how could Jesus wash it all away.

As you must have guessed, I was just tripping.lol.
The devil was trying to mess with my mind. And I am happy to say that he didn't succeed.
Amazing Grace found me and sought me out. I wasn't qualified but he called me.
My past didn't matter to him. He thought me clean enough to entrust Kingdom assignment into my hands.
Isn't he amazing?

Miraculously, my tumultuous relationship with my mother got amended after I accepted Jesus. I was able to forgive her, my self worth and self esteem got spiritual surgery lol.
As soon as I learnt about restitution I began restitution where I could.
 I have also abstained from sex now since 2011.
Masturbation didn't let me go quite easily, it was a struggle but I also overcame it by the grace of God.

When I teach Bible Study at my church. I look back sometimes and wonder why the grace of God sought me out, with the kind of past I had and the life I have lived.
It's truly Amazing Grace.

If there's anyone reading this  and you are yet to accept Christ as your Lord and Saviour.
Please don't leave it till later, accept him today.
You cannot experience amazing grace without Jesus Christ.

Ask him to come into your life.
Today.

2 comments:

  1. Almost like myself-my story, save the abortions.
    God is wonderful! He is!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear,that's a story for another day.
      As I said, it's a wonder I am still alive.
      Thank God for the blood of Jesus.
      God is wonderful. He doesn't call the qualified,he qualifies the called.

      Delete

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